The 12 Most Badass Flattops in all of Sports

Being a great athlete isn’t just about performance. It’s about attitude. And nothing tells the world just how badass you are than a perfectly sculpted flattop. Yes, bald is beautiful. Mohawks saw a small surge in 2007. But nothing truly has the decades-long staying power of a buzz cut precise enough to set your watch to.

Sure, you can stereotype flattops as a relic of the 90s. They work with the Zubaz you wore with your Reebok Pumps. Brandon Jennings took us back to the old school earlier this year with his high top fade during the McDonald’s All-American game, but he’s too new on the block to make this list. It doesn’t take a deep analysis to see that flattops have been the de rigeur badass haircut for decades–probably centuries–and they still linger in the 2000s.

If we had the technology to photograph athletes of centuries past, I’d bet several all-star Roman gladiators sported flattops under their helmets. We’ll never know. Here, we present to you some of the best flattops the world has ever seen since they could be photographed.

12 – Johnny Unitas – One of the greatest quarterbacks of all time because he could hit it on the numbers anywhere. How do you know he has a laser guided arm? Just look at his head. Unitas only needed a helmet because they’re required.

11 – Kurt & Brenda Warner – Women are not exempt from this list, and Kurt & Brenda thank God for their flattops every day. I’m not sure if this makes them a cuter couple, but they are certainly the flattest couple in all of sports. That’s Kurt on the left.

10 – Lawrence Taylor – One of the few high top fades to make the list–the original LT brought crazy to flattops. If Unitas was the laser guided flattop, LT was the  enhanced edition who hit lines hard–all *kinds* of lines if you know what I mean.

9 – Ken Griffey Jr -Baseball players have a notably anemic showing on this list because they’re always wearing caps. But for a moment, just close your eyes and remember Junior in that Mariners uniform, ca. 1991.

8 – Grant Hill – Who was the poster child of 1990s Duke that so many people hated or loved? Of course it had flat precision.

7 – Howie Long – A Hall of Fame flattop, and the sculptor made sure of it. Terry Bradshaw is jealous.

6 – Jack Kemp – A great field general who eventually sold out his flattop image when he went into politics. He could learn a few things about image from Sen. Jon Tester (D-MT).

5 – Earl Morrall – Why are the Dolphins so bad today? Nobody on their team has a flattop! Unlike Kemp, Morrall was a Dolphins Pro-Bowler who never lost it. Seriously, Morrall still has his flattop today. And he played QB and punted.

4 – Detlef Schremph – The Germans are known for their precision and fine engineering, and Detlef Schrempf is no exception. Detlef is proof that flattop badassery is not just an American thing.

3 – Svetlana Khorkina – Russian Olympic Gymnast – As we showed with Brenda Warner, women are not exempt from flattop dominance. Khorkina went on to win the gold in Sydney on the uneven bars. And what opponents wouldn’t be intimidated with a cut like that? A flattoop comes as no surprise in a world of gymnastics that requires near-military precision to make the highest scores. I’m willing to bet these hairstyles are more common in Eastern Europe.

2 – Patrick Ewing – Chosen for longevity, Ewing was made fun of by standup comics for keeping his flattop well into the late 90s. He may still have it today. He may not have a ring, but his hair is the trophy.

1 – Brian Bosworth – The essence of arrogance and attitude. Bosworth wreacked havoc on college offensive schemes, but his professional playing ability turned out to be a bust. Not his hair though. The Bosworth flattop was magic. I’m convinced the makers of Street Fighter 2 modelled Guile after him. Judge for yourself.

Did we forget anyone? Tell us on IGN!